The second dare took the contestants and the crowd to the west, where a particularly low valley had subsided into a permanent swamp of nasty standing water. A failed attempt by the Birdcrunchers to build a bunch of huts on stilts left behind a haphazard arrangement of wobbly posts protruding from the boggy ground. The goblins laid wooden planks across several of these posts, creating narrow bridges above the bog.
In this dare, the contestants were fitted with wide, clumsy, human boots. Twelve stirges were tethered to some of the posts out in the middle of the swamp. The goal of the game was to kill as many stirges as possible without falling into the swamp below. Not long after Wise Mummy threw her thunderstone to signal the beginning of the dare, Sizzlebang charged at Angry Lynn. She had raced out onto the narrow bridge rather quickly and had already killed two stirges, and Sizzlebang sought to eliminate his competition.
Failing to knock Angry Lynn off, the two goblins ended up in a tussle while Spook, Kay-Yay and Kim-Yay fought off three blood sucking stirges who had latched on to them. The tussle eventually caused Angry Lynn to loose balance and she slipped and fell into the swamp below.
As Angry Lynn joined a sorry looking Squiggly near the shore, she yelled out to her wife Kim-Yay to avenge her. It was too late however, as Sizzlebang slammed into Kim-Yay and knocked her off into the mud mere seconds later. Then while Spook and Kay-Yay racked up more kills, Kim-Yay climbed past Squiggly, whose heavy armour was causing him to slowly sink into the bog where he first entered it. Kim-Yay finally got vengeance, pushing in Sizzlebang.
Realising that they were the only two remaining, Spook decided to try and claim the 5 bonus points for being the last goblin standing by jumping across to Kay-Yay and pushing him off, but misjudged the distance between them and ended up face-planted firmly in the muddy bog. Kay-Yay was declared the winner by default and left with 9 points. Sizzlebang managed to claim 2 points before his rampage, while Angry Lynn and Spook were awarded 4 points each for their kills.
Finally, for the last dare, Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh lead the chieftains-in-waiting back toward the Birdcruncher cave—as they approached, the stink of rotten meat and spoiled
milk grew. The scent came from a horrific “pie” that had been created in a 10-foot-diameter bowl-shaped depression in the rock. The bowl was 18 inches deep, and filled with a nasty, not-quite-boiling-hot slurry of spoiled milk, mud, swamp water, mashed-up grass, and dead birds. The top was covered over with an incongruously delicious- and flaky looking pie crust. Several cauldrons of boiling pie filling sat nearby, along with a number of large, dented metal funnels.
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh explained that the giant birdmeat pie was still baking, and the chieftains-in-waiting would all be tied up and placed in the pie to cook. The goblins would have to race to be the first to escape the pie. Complicating this though, were the four golden eagles, very much alive and very angry at their predicament, who were thrown into the pie with them. Killing an eagle earned a goblin a bonus of 5 points, making up for the fact that only the first three out would be granted points for escaping.
With the rules explained, the contestants were lined up around the edge of the pie and have their wrists and ankles tied together. As Wise Mummy used her last thunderstone,
all the contestants were pushed into the pie. Almost as soon as they fell into the boiling mess, Sizzlebang and Kim-Yay had their bindings untied. Kim-Yay took an early lead, breaking out of the pie to claim the 10 point first place prize. Sizzlebang on the other hand decided to let off a bomb in the close quarters and try and earn some points for killing the eagles. He managed to injure a few, getting a few angry bites in retaliation. Mostly he just blew out the remaining pie crust and half the filling.
Goblins on the sidelines eagerly added more near-boiling hot pie filling, scalding Kay-yay and he struggled with his bonds. Spook managed to free himself in the commotion, as did Squiggly Spooge, who broke his ties with sheer brute force. Spook made it out of the pie just ahead of Squiggly, as Angry Lynn untied herself and Sizzlebang threw down his sting-chuck, releasing a cloud of angry insects which stung two eagles to death. The goblins on the side poured in more steaming hot slurry right onto KAy-yay, who screamed in pain before falling silent beneath the surface.
With no points left to earn by escaping, Angry Lynn pulled out her blunderbuss and took out the remaining two eagles. Sizzlebang and Angry Lynn both claiming 10 bonus points each for their kills. With the competition then declared over, the two carried their drowning companion out of the pie and resuscitated poor Kay-Yay.
Wise Mummy took a few moments, muttering to herself as she tallied the final scores, before announcing the winners. The new chieftains would be Kim-Yay and Angry Lynn!
As promised by Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, the chieftains were presented with the Crunchy Crown. And all of the contestants were granted access to the tribe’s treasure chest.
For the rest of the evening, the Birdcrunchers enjoyed a celebratory mood with The chieftains and their friends the focus of goblin pandemonium. Some of the subjects
prostrated themselves before the new leaders, moistening their feet with kisses and runny noses, while others screamed and sobbed and brought gifts of food and offers of goblin frolicking. Goblin after goblin came forward to try to impress the new leaders—by juggling live stoats, by head-butting stumps, and particularly, by setting things on fire… themselves included. Eventually though, the night came to a close, and the new members of the Birdcruncher tribe settled in for a good night’s rest. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.