Campbelltown Pathfinders

We Be Goblins Too: Part 3

The Munchmeat Farm

The Birdcrunchers expected their new leaders to head out the very next day to challenge and, hopefully, defeat or drive off the ogre known as Pa Munchmeat. Several even volunteered to join them, inspired by the bravery of their new rulers.
However, Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh had a few words of advice for the group before they set off. Standing on the ridge outside of the Birdcruncher Cave, looking down on the Munchmeat Farm in the valley below, she warned them that the fire-breathing pigs she saw would breathe fire, and that Pa Munchmeat hits hard when he isn’t asleep.
“He also casts spooky plant spells and has a mean daughter with a pet weasel bigger than a horse, and there might be other monsters living on the farm as well.” She told the group of heroic goblins. Wise Mummy then gave the group a crude map that showed the best way down the cliff to Pa Munchmeat’s farm before shooing them on their way, warning that they shouldn’t bother returning to the Birdcrunchers until the task is done.

The Munchmeat Farm lies about two-thirds of a mile from the Birdcruncher village. As the bird flies, it’s a relatively short distance; on foot through the trackless tors, it proved an hour-long walk to get to the farm. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh’s map was crude but accurate, and the party soon found themselves at the base of the cliff.

About 45 minutes into the walk, the party attracted the attention of Pa Munchmeat’s animal
companion Piggy. This beast was a huge boar that was not only foul-tempered and armoured, but also trained to belch gouts of fire after eating gourds of fire burping.

After dispatching the boar. The goblins quickly reached the front gate of the farm. A single rickety farm gate allowed passage through the wooden fence, below an archway made of broken branches and bleached bones. Many of the goblins elected to climb the rickety wooden fence than use the spooky gate covered in maggot-ridden goblin heads. The fence proved too unstable for them though and all of them plummeted into the thick mud beneath.

Once inside, the group surveyed Munchmeat Farm. A slimy-looking creek wound through the farm, which was barely anything to look at. A house in the centre of the fenced-in area leant against two hefty buttresses holding up three large beams. It was balanced on numerous thick log stilts that created a cage-like hollow in the mud below the building. A shed sat to the south of the building, and south and east of this shed were a few tired stretches of garden that look like they were best at growing mud and weeds.To the west an upturned boat, propped against the fence, had been built into an impromptu shelter.

As the goblins slowly made their way around the structure they saw that north of the house stood a three decrepit chicken coops. The nervous clucking of several chickens could be heard from within.

After surveying the house, the group determined that Pa Munchmeat was sleeping up in his room on the top floor, which Spook saw could be accessed by climbing up onto the roof of the house’s ground floor. Once he was up, he had the other members of his tribe pass him up as many explosives and fire makers as they could find out-turning their pockets and pouches. Then Spook sneaked into Pa’s room and placed the explosives under the sleeping ogre’s pillow. Tracing a trail of gunpowder back outside, Spook lit the fuse and watched as a tremendous explosion rocked the structure. The ogre emerged from his burning room moments later, staggering out before falling to the floor and rolling off the side of the roof.

Seconds later, the group downstairs were confronted by Pa’s furious daughter Guffy and her giant ferret Spike. As Guffy swung her huge club, the goblins desperately tried to hold their own. Kay-Yay was knocked down by a blow to the head, which thankfully didn’t crush in his skull, like the next blow did to the last of their Birdcruncher companions. Just when all hope seemed lost, Spook jumped down from the upstairs window and snuck up behind the Ogre’s daughter, delivering a fatal blow right to her behind.
The day was saved, or so they through. The badly damaged shack shuddered and began to collapse. As it fell, a startled owlbear emerged from the cage underneath the house. It opened it’s beak in a mighty roar, and out popped another goblin!

Ol’ Sk1ddlez “the owlborn” Mc Sk1d PØØP3R had been contemplating death as they faced the prospect of becoming a tasty owlbear snack, but just as the owlbear closed its beak around the old goblin, the shack collapsed and it ran outside.

Free from death, Sk1ddlez turned and attacked the owlbear, with the others joining in to save their new kin. Once the owlbear was slain, the group had a quick look around the rest of the farm. Kay-yay took some stinky chicken eggs from the hen houses, and Sk1ddlez took some stinky chickens. Then, as they turned to leave, a cry for help caught their attention. The tell-tale squeal of Squeally Nord, the Licktoad’s old boar echoed out from within the overturned boat in the front of the farm.

Seeing that the entrance to the boat was blocked by a huge sleeping sow, and not wishing to wake her, fearing she may be of the fire-breathing variety, the group struggled with all their might to tip the whole boat over, lifting it off the pigs and sending it sliding down into the river, with Squeally Nord aboard. The goblins tried to make their escape sailing down the river, but it was too shallow and the path was blocked with bridges, so they elected to have Squeally hop out and drag the boat over land, all the way back to the Birdcruncher cave.

Upon their return the new chieftains were greeted with cheers and celebrations, for the Birdcrunchers had been saved! Sk1ddlez gave the tribe the chickens he had collected and they threw them into the big stew pot to cook up a celebratory feast that would last for days to come.



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